Marriage

June 7, 2009- Clinton Thomas Carter: Friend, Brother, Braves Fan, Outdoor Enthusiast. He was survived by 9 groomsmen who were with him through thick and thin, his family, backpacking pack and track spikes. Sadly, Clint made the decision to hang up those track spikes and box away the backpack. He made the daring move from bachelorhood to the last legal form of slavery. He is beginning a journey that many men have started but sadly, only few have stood by their vows of "till death do us part."

That sounded very depressing but I do not apologize for the somber tone reflected in the above paragraph. Although exaggerated for an emotional reaction, the tone is not far from the stigma that marriage undeservingly receives. Who do we blame? Pop Culture that airs the dirty laundry of our favorite actors and actresses who seem to make a living bouncing from one marriage to the next? Maybe it's our generations way of rebelling against common practice and basic moral principals? Or should the blame be found closer to home with, O! dare I say it, our own Parents? Either way you spin the wheel, our current culture isn't placing an emphasis on marriage preservation. Surprisingly though, divorce rates are at an all time low since the 1970's. In fact, fewer people are getting married. In 2005, despite a population increase of 2.9 million, total marriages were down by 50,000 from the prior year. Further, the U.S. has seen a 13% decrease in percentage of population that is married. In 1970, 72% of the U.S. population was married while in 2002, only 59%. One would think that an increase in population and total marriages would be a direct relationship. In fact, we are seeing an inverse relationship between these.

I think it's a cultural shift in the perception of marriage and our personal priorities. Before our parents' time, it was acceptable for a woman to marry young, not get a college degree and be a stay at home mother. Currently, advances in women's liberal rights have given them the same opportunities as men (which they should have). There are more career opportunities for women than there have ever been in our time. Now I'm not saying that marriages are down because we're giving women more career opportunities than just being a stay at home mom. That would be a ridiculous statement. I'm simply presenting changes in our society that play a roll in our relationships. Further, it's possible that the desire to have a successful career has taken priority over a life time, committed relationship. I find that more men and women want to be financially stable and independently set in their careers before making that life long commitment. We've all seen how money and career changes can adversely affect a marriage and it's no wonder why we desire to have those things firmly in place.

After witnessing high divorce rates among our parents, I believe that many people don't want to go through the same things our parents did. For those who have seen first hand the emotional scaring that comes from divorces, it's not wonder so many people are afraid of getting married. Unfortunately, it's a trickle down effect to the way kids treat relationship today. In a recent Men's Health magazine, it polled a shocking but not surprising number of college students who opted for the "friends with benefits" status instead of developing long term relationships. Their outlook, who wouldn't want to have sex with no commitment involved. It's ideal for the self serving way we live our lives. It's no longer about someone else's feelings, it's about mine. And it's that selfish mind set that carries into our personal lives. We've basically cut out the entire middle section of a relationship. A long, long time ago, keeping your virginity till marriage was more sought after than it is today. Instead we skip out on feeling heart broken after a few years or even months of puppy love and skip straight to the fun stuff. It's like getting a book assignment from your teacher and reading the first chapter and skipping to the climatic ending. You see, there is no break up and no divorce when you keep a surface level relationship. In fact, a 2005 statistic shows that 8.9% of coupled households consisted of unmarried, heterosexual partners. That percentage is up almost half of what it was 10 years ago.

What started with a funny intro that would lead into my brother's bachelor party and wedding extravaganza has turned into a ranting and raving, strictly opinion based monologue of where I think marriage is today. I am fully aware that there are many things that affect our opinions and views of current marriages and that not everybody is so doom and gloom about finding someone special to spend the rest of their lives with. Most of my opinions come from the conversations I hear both single and married men having about their current relationship and their views on marriage. So it's not just me with these same views. I'd be curious to see how these trends hold over the next few years.